i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
