One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
third nipple confirmed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
