why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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