she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
