So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
