he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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