You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
