Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
