ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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