it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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