I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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