I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
