five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
