'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
