please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
