After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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