i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
