Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
