ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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