So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
