I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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