Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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