Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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