I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My liver just had a heart attack.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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