Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
