Got a toothbrush?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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