I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
