Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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