dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my liver is dry heaving
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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