dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
