At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
