I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
