i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
