Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize