when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
