So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
