I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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