Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
