how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
