I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
