I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
