Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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