So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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