The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
