Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
