I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
