Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
