Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
