I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
