I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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