So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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