Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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