Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
