I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
