The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
