we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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