go do what you do best...puke behind churches
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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