I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
