I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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