I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize