): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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