I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
