Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
