i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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