Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
