At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
