I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
