i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
