Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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