It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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