i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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