She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
