I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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